HOW TO BEAT PROCRASTINATION

Have you ever had one of those days when you are ready to get some work done and you get distracted by urges to do other things? Well that's Procrastination, a sneaky culprit who creeps along at the worst time, just when you are ready to be the most productive.

These distractions have many voices, "Maybe I should organize my closet, clean the kitchen or maybe I should just binge watch all my shows so that I can finally clear my DVR." This last one may be just me, but any binge watcher can probably relate. These urges are often seen as mere distractions but often times they go a little deeper than that.

Many of my clients working on productivity issues often ask "Why doesn't the urge to organize or clean hit when I am actually ready? " What it comes down to is this, it's never about the distraction you want to do or get done, it is just plain avoidance! Avoidance doesn't promote a desire to organize, clean or watch TV, but instead it is a sign that the task at hand may contain some level of fear or discomfort.

In situations like these what does the body do? It tries to ward off those uncomfortable feelings by entertaining other activities that are manageable. Now this coping mechanism might be helpful in the moment but it is a short term solution. As we ignore the emergency alerts that our bodies are sending us, procrastination and avoidance set in, forcing us to push off, hide and stop activities essential to living our lives. The more we try to avoid situations or tasks that trigger anxious feelings, soon every situation begins to elicit some form of fear, resulting in an avoidance cycle of burnout and complacency.

So how do you overcome it? I offer the following steps which my clients have found to be really helpful.

1) Stop and Scan
I once worked with a writer who made her living by writing academic journals and reviews. At the time, she was having trouble finishing her projects, or just plain getting started. She complained she was always entertaining other projects, such as organizing her home office or decluttering her closet, whenever she had a deadline looming. This procrastination was dire, as she had missed several deadlines; endangering her job. I observed in our sessions she was getting stuck in her head a lot, obsessing over the need to get her home in order.

So we initiated a Stop and Scan, a self management technique used to ascertain the reality of a presenting situation. As soon as you feel yourself drifting off from the task at hand, stop and check in with yourself. Start with your mind and then move your way down into your body. Start first by asking yourself, "What am I currently thinking?" Now in my client's case she was thinking she wanted to declutter her closet, but that wasn't the reality. It was what she was telling herself, but we had to dig deeper, look for the meta message in her avoidance. So then I asked "Is there any truth to this desire?" Now I advise you to really sit with this question, don't rush. When I asked her this she came to the realization that she actually didn't want to declutter her closet but rather she was afraid to write. The meta message was fear, which caused her to start doubting herself. As soon as she let fear dictate what she would do, which was nothing, she became a prisoner.

2) Be Truthful
When you find what it is that is preventing you from your task then own it. If it is fear then say to yourself "In this moment I am scared". Sit with it for a moment. Be truthful with yourself. It's ok to feel fear, it is a sign you are alive, but what's not ok is to be held prisoner by it.

When you allow fear and avoidance in then you're not a genuine reflection of the real you. You will internalize resentment that will cause you to be unhappy with yourself, ending up disorganized and confused. You'll be confused because you won't know what to do or who to be. To be truthful with yourself takes an amazing amount of bravery. To be truthful demands reflection and a sincere openness to really sit with what stops you, what your fears are and things that are often uncomfortable.

3) Get up and move forward
Sir Isaac Newton said, "Objects at rest tend to stay at rest and objects in motion tend to stay in motion." The same can be applied to humans as it can for apples

Momentum is key in overcoming procrastination. The human body has a tendency to maintain motion when motion is initiated. Basically get done what you have to when you are tackling other tasks. Try to schedule activities in productivity batches. If you find yourself responding to emails then you are already in the flow of writing, so schedule all writing tasks, such as blog posts, social media updates and article submissions at the same time.

So now that you have spent a good amount of time getting clear on why you are procrastinating, it is time for you to make a move forward. Face that fear and break out of that prison.

So ask yourself, “What are the steps I can take right now to get me one step closer to accomplishing my task?" Now the steps don't have to be big or overblown, they can be as big or as small as you can handle, but they must move you forward. The point of asking this question is learning to trust yourself. Learning to pay attention to your instincts and recognize that your inner resourcefulness is always trying to move you in a safe and productive way.

Hope these steps are helpful.

Cheers,

Ed

HOW TO HANDLE DISAPPOINTMENTS

In my sessions with clients many have been asking, “How do I/we manage disappointment?” An underlying theme as of late. Disappointment is a term no one likes to talk about, so of course it is something I need to address. Unfortunately the reality of the human habit is we face disappointments everyday. From the moment we wake up hoping it’s Friday, but in reality it’s Monday, to the end of the day where we hoped to get to bed early but instead binge watched the latest series from Netflix, and now it’s 2am and you have to get up in five hours. Disappointments feel just plain unbearable! No one likes them; I know I sure don’t. It’s that feeling of being let down and defeated that's hard to manage.

So then what are we left with?
How are we to make sense of situations that may seem incomprehensible? Well, sometimes you just can’t, and sometimes things happen that we are powerless over, so in the end we must simply accept what has happened, or better yet we must take a stance of radical acceptance of the situation, so as to decrease the amount of suffering we may be enduring. The optimal words being ‘Radical Acceptance’.

And what is RADICAL ACCEPTANCE?
​Simply put, radical acceptance is the acknowledgement and unconditional acceptance of “what is.” Radical acceptance states that we consciously acknowledge that we have done all that could be expected to change, control, or manage any given situation and presently there is nothing more that can be done and, in doing so, we accept that situation, place, thing or person as it is. This allows us to accept the reality of what is, not what should be.

So by standing strong in your conviction to accept what is, you basically stop the suffering any given situation is causing you. Because the truth of the matter is, you can stop suffering, this we can control. We may not always be able to control how hurtful a situation might be, but we can make the decision to how we manage it.

Situations in life may be hard to accept, and may cause some emotional pain but, again that pain is a byproduct of the human existence and try as we must, we can’t avoid painful feelings. We are not powerless over how much we toil and suffer over the pain of any given experience. By making radical acceptance a daily practice we are empowering ourselves to feel relief from any personal suffering.

Now just to clarify, what I am proposing here is not avoidance or denial. What I am presenting is a self management tool to help cope with situations that you feel out of control about. It also means you are taking ownership of yourself and making a decision to no longer suffer with situational stressors.

As with all things good and bad, disappointments are a part of this journey called life, and as uncomfortable as some disappointments are, they are a natural part of the human existence. We will all experience disappointments in our lifetime, that’s just the way it is. After all we are greeted by a slap on the rear by doctors welcoming us to the world. What is important to remember, and what I try to advise to others is, regardless of what we are feeling right now, these disappointments, and how we deal with them, will determine the merit of our resilience and the quality of our personal lives going forward.

And if you really liked the post, then don’t forget to hit a thumbs up if you liked it or subscribe if you loved it.

Warmly,

Ed

HOW TO LIVE IN GRATITUDE

So the holidays have come and gone. The tree has been taken down, and shuttled off to the curb to become usable mulch. Decorations are all packed and stored in the black hole that is our storage unit. The last of the holiday sweets have been eaten. Resolutions have been made, and broken, good-bye skinny jeans; and some are hanging in there, only two cups of coffee per day, woo hoo!! Yes, I know it needs work but it’s better than the four cups per day I was inhaling.

This year Christmas hit my home like a hurricane and I mean that in a good way. Literally gifts were oozing in every part of our living room. Or to be exact, my son’s gifts were everywhere. It was a never ending barrage of holiday cheer. Each new day started with my son opening a new gift and Dad putting it together and stressing out because the necessary batteries were not included; luckily we have a local CVS nearby for quick jaunts to restock our surplus of AA batteries. All that being said, it was actually a great time.

This year my son ushered in Christmas by running into our bedroom and doing a cannonball onto my belly, alerting me that Santa had paid us a visit. Aside from taking a hit in the ole holiday chestnuts my body was beaming with excitement seeing my son stare at the tree in awe. Sharing in my son’s happiness is truly the high point of the holidays, and a gift I am grateful for.

One of my goals this year is to truly live in gratitude of everything I have, everyday. From the moment I wake up, to the moment I go to sleep, I truly want to live in gratitude of everything and everyone I experience. Physical items may provide momentary joy but they fade, and what is left is the experience of having it and the emotionality associated with it. Life is a gift, a term many of us has heard numerous times, but only because it is the truth. Viewing life as a gift provides new meaning to obstacles we face on a daily basis. A focus on gratitude makes living life more fulfilling, meaningful and productive. Here are some steps I am taking to live in more gratitude and start the year off right.

GRATITUDE IS VALUABLE
Living in a state of gratitude increases the value of everything around you. As your optimism grows so too does your sense of self efficacy. Optimistic awareness increases your focus and helps develop continual growth toward personal development goals.

GRATITUDE IS MORE THAN SAYING “THANK YOU”
To truly reap the benefits of gratitude, your intentions must exist beyond a simple “thank you”. Gratitude cannot be simply just dispatched as if someone held the door open for you or returned a dropped wallet. Instead, personal gratitude requires intentionality and sincerity. The feeling must be genuine from the biggest experience to the smallest encounter. The experience of gratitude will feel meaningless unless it’s reinforced by intentional dedication. Living in intentional gratitude will add more meaning to the relationships that make up your personal world and make work/life more fulfilling and engaged. Research has shown that individuals living with a more heightened sense of gratitude achieve more success in their personal lives and professional careers.

GRATITUDE IS ATTITUDE
To really reap the benefits of gratitude one must “walk the talk”. If you say you are going to being thankful for all that you have, then you have to be intentional about it. One must be “all in” as they say in poker. Habitual positivity and gratitude is key for a successful work/life. Learn to take pride in your work and truly own the strengths you exhibit in your daily tasks and achievements. Expressing gratitude should be a daily ritual in your work/life. Taking a daily inventory of the gifts you have been given and truly taking ownership of the steps you have taken to achieve your personal tasks, will allow a greater shift to a more positive state of mind and increased productivity.

START NOW
Within each individual lies the ability to enrich the quality of our work/life. Developing an attitude of gratefulness is all about living in appreciation of what is here and now. To live in gratitude of all the people, places and things that constantly surround us can bring an increased sense of continual optimism that acts as a barrier to the negativity of situational stressors.

As always the new year is a perfect time to initiate a habit of gratitude in your work/life. Start a daily practice of genuine appreciation at the start of each day, stretching out to those who make up the personal relationships in your world. Remember that no gesture is too small and genuine gratitude needs to come from the heart. It's not simply throwing about a “thank you,” every now and then, but how you show it that counts.

Question:
How can you express more gratitude? Do you have a daily practice of giving thanks for the people around you? Let me know if you do.

Oh, and thanks for reading, I appreciate having you as part of my tribe.

CHEERS,

ED

FLYING DRAGONS ARE TROUBLE

I have been thinking a lot about the significance of Escapism and the role it plays in our lives.

So as the title states, I did indeed ride a flying dragon, and no I am not losing my grip on reality. However, reality is somewhat a misnomer in this experience, as the dragon I rode upon was part of a Virtual Reality simulation, and honestly it was pretty awesome. The immersive hyper realistic sensation of the VR experience was truly incredible. I was lost in the visuals of fantasy and the sensations of flight in the expansive outdoors. Soaring untethered was an overwhelming joy as no matter where I looked all I could see was bright open sky and the uncanny, realistic details of the enormous green dragon whom I rode atop of, scaly wings and all. I have to say the experience was quite addictive, as I found myself re-plugging in at several times because the sensation was really quite exhilarating.

I should note that all this took place standing in the middle of my local Best Buy which had a VR simulation set up through Samsung’s booth via the new Oculus rift, a VR headset powered by a smart-phone. After my fourth session I left the store exhilarated at what I had just experienced. As I left the store, walking the streets of Manhattan felt a little surreal, as if I were questioning the reality around me. I also felt a sense of euphoria, an intense rush of good feeling that put some pep into my step, and kept me otherwise distracted from the feelings surrounding any current life stressors I might be facing. Then, as they say, I started crashing, as the euphoric sensation was hard to hold on to, as it slowly shifted from happiness to sadness. This feeling would stay with me throughout the day and made having an optimistic outlook toward the obstacles facing me difficult to maintain. Once home, I soon came to the conclusion that what I was feeling was a slight dysthymic backlash, as my current life challenges seemed bigger than they were before, and the more I thought of them the more sullen I became. In response all I could think of was, “I wish I could ride that dragon again, and stay in that world.”

THE HABIT OF ESCAPISM

The desire to escape is in everyone, no matter your circumstance. Everyone yearns to escape the boredom of work/life. The lure of escaping the obstacles and challenges of life through fantasy or recreation is all around us, and is something that is profoundly human. From movies, TV, social media and video games, escapism is fun and, instead of dealing with problems, can be at times difficult to fight. What makes the lure so irresistible is it provides a mechanism to forget and move unpleasant feeling associated with life stressors away from the conscious mind, albeit if only for a brief respite. Unfortunately escapism, much like my fanciful dragon ride, is short lived, as the euphoric sensation wears off and our situational stressors remain present, often feeling worse than they did originally. As with my desire to return to the store and engage in the VR experience again, a situation can be compounded by the constant cycle of immersion. This habitual avoidance elevates levels of emotional distress thus increasing a need or ‘dependency’ for relief. Like a hamster on a treadmill, the cycle of escapism can lock you in, making it challenging to break free.

POSITIVE BELIEFS

As with any form of escape, the challenge is avoiding the trappings of dependency. Escapism on one hand can be fun, and with the advent of social media, can be entertaining and interactive, but as of late it seems as if escapism through social media is becoming more of a dependency of connection rather than an escape for fun. Dependency prevents the real ‘you’ from being out there, and impacts personal growth, as well as the opportunity for real relationships and tangible self-created happiness. So how do we avoid the habit of escapism and get off the hamster wheel of dependence? By developing strength based perceptions of challenges and obstacles. As with VR, which augments human perception to break from reality and replace it with a virtual one, we too can break free from the perpetual lure of escapism by developing a positive perception of our own reality. Essentially if your perception of the challenges in your reality is linked with pain, then you will find the desire to constantly escape increase, making reality feel hopeless. If we just focus on what is not right about a challenge in life rather than what is, then we miss opportunities to build self-efficacy. We should never assume there's nothing to improve about a situation or ourselves. Focusing on perceived weaknesses without either taking steps to improve them or giving focus toward our strengths, gets us nowhere. The truth of the matter is, it’s important to always strive to find the happiness in the reality that makes up our everyday work/life. The work you put into finding the positive factors in life will override the suffering caused by its situational problems and will thus change your attitude towards reality and reduce the dependency to escape.

WHAT ABOUT YOU?

Do you see or acknowledge your over indulgence in escapism? Do you find it hard to pull away from social media? Let me know your thoughts in the comments below.

All the best,

Ed Munoz

Loss of work, doesn't mean loss of self

In between thought provoking sessions with clients, I often spend time playing with my son in the park, and watching him thrive in his child world. In the sea of mommies and nannies, you don’t see many men. Today was a refreshing change of pace as I happened upon a fellow dad in the park. He seemed nice, and I introduced myself in my usual enthusiastic manner. He was a pleasant enough fellow, but a little sullen, which could mean one of two things. He was either a sleep-deprived parent, very common in the parenting world, or it was personal. Well it seemed that it was indeed personal and he was a little down because of it. Through our conversation I discovered he was a stay at home dad not by choice but because he had been laid off.

He reported having a tough time without work and being unemployed prevented him from being more ‘present’ at home and in the daily life of his son. He shared that he likes the time he now has with his son but he feels somewhat adrift and lost basically because he does not know who he is without a job or a professional identity. I encouraged him to appreciate the roles he may not be acknowledging, like father, husband and caretaker, three very important roles that trump any corporate job title in my humble opinion. He responded that he didn’t think he offered much at home. I asked him, “Do you play with your kid? Do you make time to be with your wife? Do you hug her when she needs a hug? Do you hug your boy? Are you home when you need to be?” He answered yes to all of these.

I believe many of us often overlook the key leadership roles we play in our personal relationships. This poor individual was not allowing himself to fully own his other identities outside of work. It is important to note that a job is not the only place a person works. We are all very active participants in various roles in the relationships that make up our world. If you do your best as a parent or partner, then you have an identity in your home. You are important just solely for being present in your home, and in the lives of your family and friends, a fact I presented to this man in an effort to offer some support and insight. After several moments, He paused, and replied…”You know I never looked at it that way before.”

And that lack of looking, or of truly perceiving, is the key factor in why I feel most individuals become vulnerable to ‘work engulfment’, a dependency derived from the belief that one can only exist within the context of a certain role. In the aftermath of a loss of employment this engulfment can stir up a sense of identity crisis. During this crisis we can feel as though there is a gap or empty space in our sense of self. Left unchecked, a person can experience feelings of anxiety, low self-esteem, depression, loss of self-confidence and isolation, all of which erode our ability to truly connect in the relationships that make up our work/life.

We continued to chat and I did all I could to help. I sat and listened to him, and allowed him space to vent and just be with his pain and frustration. In ending I told him that I appreciated our time together and valued his company. On my usual walk home through the park, while my son ate his Cheerios (kids sure do love those) all the while belting out Jingle Bells (yes he loves Christmas songs too) I recapped the conversation in my mind. Slowly I felt a pulling at my heart. I truly felt for this man who had felt that a job robbed him of his sense of self. It is unfortunate that for so many individuals, we have been conditioned to allow certain types of employment to be in a position to give us a sense of identity and self value.

The loss of a job does not mean the loss of an identity and sense of self, and our emotional well-being does not rely on external validation but instead depends on how we feel about ourselves.

A loss can be a time for growth and self change. In the moment, the loss is unfortunate but the same initiative that helped get you that job is the same one that will help get you another one. In facing a challenge, people actually have the ability to thrive and discover possibilities to adapt. Transitioning between jobs may result in a different work venue but not a lesser version of oneself. The beliefs and values that you live by will define who you are. If you choose a career path that is congruent with these core values then you will find professional success and personal contentment. If you move into an environment which is in direct opposition to those values and beliefs then that work environment will be uncomfortable.

So dear readers, if you know someone who is unemployed and having a rough time adjusting, or a mom or dad who feels as if they are not being seen or appreciated, reach out to them and reassure them that they are not only appreciated but valued. Assure them that you appreciate them not for their profession but for who they are personally. I think that would be nice.

See on the next post,

Ed

The power of self talk

“It isn’t what you have, or who you are, or where you are, or what you are doing that makes you happy or unhappy. It is what you think about.”- Dale Carnegie

---

Many people spend a great deal of time lost in thought. Our minds are many times filled with an ongoing running commentary replaying itself in the background. A majority of all of our desire to consistently move forward toward our goals and our emotional well being is driven by what we tell ourselves, and what we believe.

The ever constant pursuit of more fulfilling employment, recognition, more influence and increased financial wealth, all of it comes down to how healthy our self talk is. So how healthy is our self talk? On average not very good. Why? Because human behavior is not conditioned to focus on strengths but instead is trained to focus on mistakes, weaknesses, fears and negativity. A bummer, right?

In this state of negative focusing, the mind slowly builds a series of patterns that often result in a continuous loop of unhealthy thought processes. Unchecked, these patterns can have a detrimental effect on your health and may prompt a need to escape or self-medicate with drugs, alcohol, food, sex and various risky behaviors. In an article written by the Mayo Clinic ( Positive thinking: Stop negative self-talk to reduce stress) self-talk that solely focuses on negative attributes can induce physical as well as emotional stress, harming your cardiovascular health, gut health and immune system. Think about that for a second, gut health. Next time you have that nagging tummy ache, instead of reaching for the nearest bottle of antacid, maybe you should stop and question what you have been telling yourself.

As challenging as self-talk can be the good news is that you can control what you think. And, if you practice a diligent habit of self awareness, you can replace any negative self-talk with a more positive and productive dialogue. This diligence will pay off because if your self-talk is strength based, meaning it has a focus on life successes and otherwise positive self thoughts, then you will feel better about yourself and you’ll increase your motivation to overcome situational life stressors and obstacles. As a whole, your life will become more enjoyable and fulfilling. To put it simply, more good thoughts, less tummy aches.

It is important to note as with any mental conditioning, the work to stop negative self-talk will not be instantaneous, and like anything else will take effort and patience. But with enough practice it gets easier over time. Please consider the following steps a beginning guide for developing healthy self talk. I have utilized them with clients and have found them to be very helpful, and hope you do as well.

practice awareness and patience

Much of our lives is run on autopilot, so the job everyday is to pay close attention to the mental chatter that occurs in our response to situational stressors. The goal is to not let your thoughts run away from you. Learn to rein them in. Much like a dog on a leash, it is important to tug a little to show who is in control. As you become aware of your thought patterns remember to be patient with yourself; your mind is an archive of years of mental chatter and changing your thinking patterns may take time.

Be careful not to “DEMAND” too much

Much of our thought patterns are often knee jerk reactions to situations, and as such can be instantaneous. In my sessions, my clients often ask why aren’t there signals or signs to alert them to the oncoming wave of negative self-talk. The good news is there are in fact “red flags” to warn us, much of which go unnoticed in our everyday vernacular, and they can significantly shape our mental processes and impact our feelings. These red flags are grounded in extremes and fall into the criteria of “Demandingness” and sound like this: I must, I have to, I should, I can’t. Sound familiar? Demandingness is a core irrational belief that represents intense demands which are not based in reality. These statements can many times be combated by simply focusing on the things you can change and accepting what you cannot.

Don’t make it personal.

An event that isn’t entirely within your control becomes your fault because you see yourself as the cause of some negative external event which in fact you were not primarily responsible for. At work if your team fails to meet a deadline, you may tell yourself “ I am a poor leader”, instead of focusing on what went wrong and correcting the error. At home if your son or daughter receives a poor grade in school, you as a parent, may tell yourself that this shows what a bad parent you are, instead of helping your child understand what he/she did wrong. Personalization is sneaky as it can commonly lead to feelings of shame, inadequacy and guilt. Feelings that can nag at you and undermine your performance at home and work.

Start questioning your self-talk

The top three I always advocate starting with are:
1) Is there actual evidence for what I’m thinking?
2) Is there a more positive way of looking at this?
3) Can I do anything to change what I’m feeling bad about?

Questioning your self-talk will assist in assessing the reality, and more importantly the truth, of any given situation. For example, a mistake at work earns you the label of “loser” or “failure” in your own mind. Questioning challenges that thinking and helps dispute what is not real. Labels are erroneous abstractions that serve little purpose other than to lower self-esteem and live in constant frustration.

relax and write it down.

Practice relaxation and journaling to assist in slowing down and managing your thought patterns. Developing a daily relaxation practice is very beneficial for general health and stress reduction. As part of a dedicated relaxation practice I advise clients to include journaling. Keeping a written record can help clarify thoughts, emotional responses to obstacles and keep track of your progress over time. Many experts have written about journaling, and as such, there is a myriad of approaches to go about proper record keeping and its benefits. How I approach the process of journaling, and it efficacy, is outlined in three simple stratagems.

Describe what you will do to improve a particular situation.

Record what you can do to improve how you experience it

Record and reflect on how you can make the facing situation more pleasant, less uncomfortable and more manageable

The purpose of combining relaxation and journaling is to clear the mind of any clutter that might clog up the process of strategic self-talk. By freeing up space in your mind with more optimistic self dialogue, it allows the mind to focus and utilize untapped self-management resources for any particular situational task at hand.

Question: Which of these steps do you need to focus on developing next to increase your self-talk? You can leave a comment below.

Until next time, be well.

Ed Munoz

Are you a leader at home?

We are all faced with growing demands each day. We are all pulled in so many different directions that there never seems to be enough time for it all. We all expend ourselves at the expense of quality time at home, whether it be time with loved ones, time with friends or just plain "downtime" enjoying that home we spend so much money paying rent or a mortgage on.

In my sessions, the number one complaint I often hear is, “Ed, who has the time?” Sound familiar? As someone who also juggles many tasks at any particular moment, I truly understand the limitations of time and availability. Honestly I do. As of this writing my son is home from school and I am writing amidst the sound of marbles rolling in the background, his favorite toy of choice, the constant call to attention to various creative constructs and the occasional magic trick by Joey Rigatoni, his stage name and at home nom de plume. So when I say, “I get it” trust me dear reader, I do. Throw in the distractions of the pinging email ringing from my phone, and the request for consulting advice, makes for one distracted day.

It seems as though in our fast paced and seemingly socially connected world, the quantity of expected availability is increasing and qualitytime in the small moments that matter is decreasing. The advent of innovation and it’s easy instantaneous ability to respond to work is draining our home values and putting a strain on real relationships, many of which are being replaced by virtual connection through social media. Data is everywhere, and the constant influx of this data in our everyday social world, is forcing us to be "ON" all the time. Hourly email checks, project reporting during dinnertime, social media check ins and status updates to the world have become the seemingly new way to relax.

Now don’t get me wrong, I too enjoy the cool perks of innovation that have developed in the last several years; I know I love my iPad. But I notice that, left unchecked, my attention and time will oftentimes be consumed by these innovations. I have come to learn that I must be diligent with structure and set limits with what takes up that time. I know if I don’t have scheduled time to enjoy quality moments of rest and relaxation with family then I will be of no use to my clients. In my experience working with many overwhelmed professionals, maintaining home/family balance really matters because family stands as a much needed nourishment for a professional’s confidence and well being. But when a leader is not present at home then everything is thrown into disarray, and as a result a leader's effectiveness can slowly erode and undermine his/her performance at work. Leadership at home has taught me valuable life lessons that any leader, whether at home or at work, can use.

Here’s what I found to be helpful.

Work First, Then Play
This a mantra I find myself saying to my son, every time he beckons me to play. It is important to set priorities, make a schedule, and follow a disciplined plan. Children may struggle with this because in child speak, rules and structure are a bummer. But it is important to try and strike a balance and to show leadership in a way that is loving but firm. Remember you are a role model, and if you shirk rules and structure in lieu of play then only disorganization will follow. Your home will be in chaos, your family will lose respect, you will start to lose focus and soon your work will falter.

Take Charge
Be responsible and take initiative in how you spend your time. Facebook, Snapchat and email will always be there but the time with your family will not. Soon your children will grow, and go into the world. And when you do find time to stop, they will be adults. It is important to remember that home and hearth are greater together than apart. Our family, especially our children, have gifts to change the world, but that potential needs time to be nurtured.

Stand firm
Assertiveness is essential to effective leadership in one’s work/life. At home, it is a challenge because we all want to be the “good cop”, but the reality is we can’t. Priorities must be set and structures must be enforced, for the betterment of the household and the sanity of the working professional. This is especially true if you split your time working at an office and at home, as I do. Currently my son is home, and vying for attention. It pains me to have to keep telling him, “Not now son”. But, that is the job of the leader at home. There are times when we as parents have to be clear that there is a time for everything, and some decisions, unpleasant as they are, are not open for debate, whether a child likes it or not. It is essential because soon that child will be out in the world, pulling his weight in Corporate America and will be hit with the reality that work is not always play. Work will entail putting certain fun time off, until his/her priorities are met. And, the more we practice this at home, then the easier it will be to practice assertiveness at work, and manage those teams to be their very best, even if it means that they may not “like” you for a while.

So that’s another post for this week, and as usual, what do you all think?

Are you a leader at home? Do you lead at home as you do at work? What’s holding you back from unleashing the leader within?

Let me know your thoughts, feelings and insights. Please feel free to provide a comment below. And, as always, keep it short, keep it simple, keep it clean and most of all keep it nice.

Until then this is Ed and I will catch you on the next one.

Why the stuff?

Stuff.

Do I need it or do I want it?

This is what I think about every-time I log into Amazon and check the items on my wish list. I have a lot of items I want to buy. They run the gamut from things I generally need, things I could use and stuff that serves no purpose but looks just plain cool (I am looking at you Darth Vader cappuccino maker). But, as fun and interesting as all these items are, it is all just stuff. We all have extraneous items in some form or another. Most of us can attest to having that closet overflowing with clothes we hope to fit into, or various styles we hope will come back into fashion. Or better yet, many of us have that space under the bed that houses boxes of unseen trinkets, photos, and shoes that take up space. Why do we hold onto these items? The reasons vary, but for many of us, these items are kept in an effort to hold onto memories that we don’t want to forget, or new memories that allow us to feel good about ourselves. But unbeknownst to us, this unseen thing happens, the stuff starts growing. It’s as if this uncanny multiplying occurs and before we know it, we are awash in material things that slowly erode our physical space, forcing us to fight for room in our domiciles.

We all like to buy stuff. I know there is nothing that brings me more excitement than seeing that Amazon box arrive at my house; it’s like Christmas but without the egg nogg. Unfortunately, the feeling is short lived. After we have played or displayed our new ‘toys’, the buzz quickly vanishes and these items that once created joy instead now only serve as a burden left to gather dust and take up space.

Honestly, I struggle with clearing out stuff, I both love it and hate it. On one side I love all my books, guy toys and man tech but on the other side I love the feeling of getting a big trash bag and clearing out space in my office, on my desk or in my home. It is very cathartic. I enjoy seeing and working in a clean, sparse environment that encourages uncluttered opportunities for work and being creative.

But as much as I love buying and collecting stuff, it’s usually a sign that there is something deeper going on. Behaviors are sneaky like that. The act of buying items tends to dress itself up as something that’s good and harmless but often times it is just behaviors masking an underlying issue, and to quote Hamlet, “therein lies the rub.” In this case the rub, or the problem/obstacle is “want” versus “need”.

Now if you generally want to buy things, then by all means may the Amazon gods serve you well. However, if you feel as though you “need” items with this feverish desire like Gollum coveting his precious one ring then you need to pause before you hit ‘add to cart’. You see individuals, brilliant as we are, often fall into the pit of the human habit; seeking external forces or items to self-sooth, opposed to utilizing our own internal resourcefulness. From my time working in the addictions field, I have learned that the stuff we think we “need” serves merely as “Coping Mechanisms” to help manage painful emotions associated with unfortunate experiences of the past or overwhelming life challenges of the present.

If left unchecked, this supposed need can lead to a pattern of unhealthy behaviors and unproductive self talk that results in excuses to spend excessively or neglect our very health and well-being. The habit becomes an illusionary familiarity that keeps us thinking that what we’re doing and how we are living is just fine, whether it is or not.

So why the stuff?

What it comes down to is this - clutter is clutter and the more you let go of the things that no longer serve you, the more you’ll make way for the things that do. To let go of stuff, and break from the past, we enable new experiences to enter our life, and breed positive forward living. It is understandable that the stuff we collect may not all be negative or bad, but we shouldn’t feel that these objects serve as the pinnacle of our emotional living.

It won’t always be easy, and you may take two steps forward and one step back, but the goal is movement, not stagnation! We have to keep moving forward looking for an optimistic future, positive experiences and productive living. As you take these first steps, you can slowly release the emotional hold that things have on you.

So today I say join me in letting go of the “Stuff”. Let us together take a chance to be brave and own our strengths. Let’s stand united in letting go of the items that no longer serve us. Because the stuff we buy may take up our space but it will never take our freedom!! Um, sorry, speech got away from me, that’s from Braveheart, (good movie though, you can catch it on Amazon Prime). Well, it doesn’t always have to be about stuff, they have good movies too.

But don’t worry, if you find it hard, the stuff will always be in your cart, and you can always grab hold of them again if you want to, but honestly I‘m betting you probably won’t want to.

So that wraps up another post for this week, and as usual I am interested in what you guys think.

Are you emotionally tied into stuff that you can’t part with? Do you have stuff that doesn’t serve you anymore? What’s holding you back from simplifying your things?

Drop a comment below, and let me know your thoughts, feelings and insights. Keep it short, keep it simple, keep it clean and most of all keep it nice.

Until then this is Ed and I will catch you on the next one.

Are you an authentic leader?

Teaching kids the meaning of true leadership is challenging in our current culture. It seems as if thought leaders pop up daily, appearing in every corner of our social media driven world. Often it feels like a circus where outrageous, poor examples of leaders jockey for the limelight. And as inspirational or colorful as some leaders may be, not every thought leader leads from the inside out, meaning they really don’t stand for anything outside of just making the most money they can, amassing power or increasing their status. Many talk just to be heard, merely relying on being the loudest voice in the room instead of truly being a person of substance who can get things done. Unfortunately, core values, like honor and integrity are often sacrificed for the sake of empty rhetoric being screamed to the masses, stirring up hostility instead of breeding hope.

Ok, I will get off my soap box now. I just had to get that little bit off my chest. Now having said that, there is some good.

As overwhelming as the leadership landscape can be, it is not always a bad thing. Why? Because today we all have a voice. That same voice we hear on videos, on podcasts, in the media can now be ours. Today we all can stand and truly be counted. No longer do we exist to just plainly serve as a voiceless cog in a systemic or corporate machine, but now we can share ideas and passions that truly show our strengths and intelligence. We no longer have to wait until someone hopefully recognizes our potential. Instead we can shine, we can bring awareness to our passions for who we are and what we can do.

BUT….

What leader will you follow? Or better yet, what leader will you be?

I have found it to be the case that the individuals most worth following are those who are truly passionate about what they believe in, and why they do what they do. Leaders of this type are referred to as "authentic", individuals so imbued with purpose that they are driven to pursuing their highest potential. They are focused individuals who understand their own values and constantly work to build on their strengths and the strengths of others. The are intentional about how they live. They make power decisions aligned with what’s most important to them. This authenticity gives them a confidence and resolve that creates trust and inspires others.

If you strive to be an authentic leader at work or at home then that means people should be confident that what they hear and see on the outside matches with what’s on the inside. You must be clear about what your values are and what your underlying purpose is. You must demonstrate in your various leadership roles that you are intentional. You are focused on making decisions in the course of your work/life that support the life you want to live and the legacy you are leaving behind; that’s what authentic leadership is truly about.

I have worked with a number of successful people over the last several years, paying particular attention to identifying common behavioral elements and character traits. And, of all the leaders I have worked with, I have found the following three to be the most common.

1. Self-Awareness
Authentic leaders are constantly aware of who they are. They are consistently engaged in self-reflection to clearly understand their own values, strengths and purpose. They focus on who they are and what they want to accomplish, rather than just being the loudest voice in the room.

They do not merely TELL you how good they are, but instead SHOW you how good they are.

Early in my career, I had a job in the nonprofit sector. My boss at the time was a seasoned fundraiser and marketer; he taught us everything we needed to know about donor relations and cultivating leads. Now, he could have just taught us and then retreated to his office but when it came to put into action what we had learned, he was always available for support. Like a well seasoned coach, he was always on the sidelines, supporting us as we met with donors and tackled leads. At times many found themselves getting stuck or hitting a wall, but his supportive nature and grounded sense of motivational support kicked in and he coached us on calls and donor outreach. It turned out donor relations and fundraising were his life, and he took great pride in, not only the work he did, but sharing what he had learned with others, and seeing his team succeed.

This kind of self-awareness is contagious because it instills commitment and confidence that communicates the kind of dedication that builds trust and courage in others.

2. Self-Alignment
Authentic leaders are intentional every day and possess clear purpose of what they want to accomplish. They know what they want to contribute to society and are focused on the impact they want to leave on the world. They are engaged in work that matters, not only to them but to the world around them.

When it comes down to it, everyday and every way, authentic leaders are focused on making a difference. They’re intentional about creating real impact on others, and developing empowering change in everything around them.

3. Self-Management
Authentic leaders are efficient self-managers. They practices routines and habits that support their purpose and goals, and refrain from those that do not. Their purpose is focused on setting daily goals and making the most of their time. They are also very methodical in developing motivation and concentration skills to help overcome stress and avoid the lure of procrastination.

They are dedicated self learners, and recognize the importance and value of self-managed learning. As such, they are constantly learning productive coping tools to handle problems and manage stressful situations effectively. They develop a working understanding that a completely stress-free work environment is rare and workplace stress, left unchecked, reduces productivity, increases pressures and affects performance and concentration.

So there you have it, the three traits of an authentic leader.

Until the next one,

Ed Munoz

WHAT TO DO ON A RAINY WEEKEND.

As I sit and write this post, it is Friday and raining here in the ole big apple. Leaving us Gothamites with a lot of puddle filled streets and sloshy shoes. We are also confronted with the usual question, what do to do this rainy weekend?

Well to that I say, NOTHING! Yep, you heard me, I said “Nothing”.

Parents usually have more of a challenge with this, because the never ending to-do list always looms over our heads like a dark cloud. Well I understand that, and being the father of an energetic seven year old, I know turning off and doing nothing is alittle easier said than done.

I write a lot about keeping it moving, essentially how to be more productive and the importance of making the most of your time in life and at work. There is nothing wrong with being productive, and as someone who lives in New York, running and getting things done, is a way of life. But rarely is the concept of doing “nothing” ever talked about, or for that matter encouraged. It is almost a hidden secret that people harbor in fear of being viewed as lazy or unproductive.

When I was younger, it was all about how much I could fit into my weekend. I tended to cram as much activity as I could, so as to have more to talk about on Monday with my co-workers. Flash forward to the present, and as a husband and father that is no longer the case. Today I have grown to appreciate quality down time, and really appreciate sitting and hearing my family tinker around in the apartment. Now, don’t get me wrong, I don’t always do this as perfectly as I would like, but as I’ve learned there is no such thing as perfection especially when you are contemplating doing “Nothing”. What I strive for some weekends is to really just STOP, relax and just be. To not always feel the need to produce. If we don’t, we simply will burn out, plain and simple. And if burnout happens, then we will not be left with energy to tackle that to do list when it is time, and truly be there for those we care about.

The key is, our downtime needs to be quality not quantity – and by that, I mean allowing yourself permission to be unproductive and not aim to get things done. I mean, if you happen to get something done when you’re resting, then fine do it. But the downtime I’m advising shouldn’t be started with the goal of productivity, instead it should stop the mental wheels from turning and start harnessing internal quiet time to refuel.

It takes effort to do “Nothing” and enjoy. But there is no better time than when it rains. Here are a few ways to make it more purposeful.

1) Read an actual book, not an ebook but instead a good old fashioned paper filled book.

2) Queue up a movie on Netflix, with the family or spouse and don’t do anything else, like checking Facebook, or shopping on Amazon.

3) Indulge in a creative craft

4) Snuggle on the couch with your spouse or little ones, and read joke books to each other. Let me tell you, there is nothing more soothing than having a good laugh over something silly.

5) Play a game, and not a video game, but an old school board game, remember those?

6) Take time to learn about something new. Queue up Youtube and research a topic, activity or skill you or the family can learn. Maybe it’s about a certain period in time, or a really cool DIY project.

7) Go on a leisurely walk, either alone or with your family. This is going to be hard because you might battle the urge to go somewhere in particular but don’t. Instead just roam your neighborhood, and explore the nooks and crannies of your environment.

When you indulge in down time, your productive “To do” time will be so much better. You’ll be motivated to really tackle that to do list, feel recharged, and you’ll remember why you appreciate your life. Essentially we all just need to take a break from work so that we can be better in all the relationships that make up our work/life.

Now it’s your turn. I want to hear what’s your favorite way to have down time? What challenges do you face in finding down time in your work/life? Or, if you are really good at down time, and doing nothing, how do you do it?

And if you really liked the post, then don’t forget to hit a thumbs up if you liked it or subscribe if you loved it.

Warmly,

Ed