It’s a good saying, but has anyone really tried it, i mean really laid into an all out spastic club dance? I would guess not many, and if you did, have you done it in public? Well trying to be more spontaneous in public is a challenge, trust me.
My boy likes to dance, I mean really dance. He will break into an uptown funk inspired free-style at the drop of a dime. All he needs is to hear some music and he is off to the races. Now this usually takes place at home, but sometimes there are those rare moments that the boogie vibe overtakes him and he cannot stop, and this can happen in public.
We were on our way to the park. He was singing, skipping, yes he skips, and just enjoying the joy of being a kid. Well i was very happy as well, and as usual was hoping I would get some sort of inspiration to coach my clients on and write about in my blog. Well inspiration did come, in a most unexpected manner. One I didn’t expect.
On our way to the park we pass a bus stop. It is usually filled with a long line of commuters waiting for their bus of choice, mulling around checking their various social media feeds with one hand and juggling a cold overpriced coffee with the other hand. I normally try to walk quickly past this spot as one can get trapped in a swarm of grumpy commuters. Of course it is at this moment my son is thirsty, and wants his juice box. So i quickly try to dive into my backpack and find his juice box, but I have to dig as i am carrying an arsenal of park toys, snacks and extra clothing, as my son can get dirty at the drop of hat. Ugh boys!!!
Well as I fumbled with my pack, a car passes by playing some loud club music, something with a real groovy beat. And before you know it, my boy bursts out singing and his hips start to shimmy and shake as if he had ants in his pants. All this takes place right in front of the bus stop which also intersects with a nearby outdoor parking lot, which serves an apartment building. So needless to say, in the morning this little intersection is busy, crowded and very congested. all the makings of the perfect dance spot.
So this is where my little elvis (he was the justin bieber of his time for you young folk) decides to dance. What am I to do but let him shake his groove thing? So he unleashes a barrage of moves, shakes, and then points to me and says, “now you, daddy, dance with me, pleaseeeeee.” I look around and the bus has just pulled in, and to add insult to injury, not only is the bus spot crowded with commuters, and people entering and exiting their various parked cars, but the bus drivers choose this moment to change shifts. Are you serious?!!
In addition, some snarky individuals start chanting, “yeah dad, shake it!” ahh, new yorkers. So it is at this moment my heart starts to race, my palms begin to sweat. I think I was getting performance anxiety, either that or those three cups of coffee i had at breakfast were kicking in; but I digress...I looked around and I noticed my son and I are in the middle of a large crowd. Again my son cries out, “daddy dance!!” Again the crowd chimes in. As I thought about it there was this intense hesitancy that took over me. I struggled with what this feeling was, as a myriad of thoughts flooded my mind, “If I dance in public people will think I’m weird. I’m afraid of the comments people will say. Will people I know see me and think i am not professional? I’m afraid people will think I’m a clown”... on and on the thoughts flashed, but then in that moment, I realized I was crippled not because of my inability to dance, because truth be told I can whip a serious nay nay when the mood is right, but instead they were all fear based.
Fear is such a bummer, it can really dampen a good mood or suck the joy right out of a fun time. So how can we fight fear, especially in moments where we really would like to let loose and have unrestricted fun? The tools are simple. awareness, passion, motivation and kindness are the key tools to combat paralyzing fear. Becoming more aware and passionate is critical to becoming more spontaneous. An opportunistic attitude is essential, as well. Also, kindness is important as fear can sometimes force us to indulge in self talk that is harsh, mean and very judgmental. Unchecked, these patterns can have a detrimental effect on your health and can induce unhealthy physical and emotional stress. Whenever you see opportunities to combat fear and improve your motivation, you need to take advantage of them.
So here I was, In public, presented with the opportunity to kick fear in the tush. As I was about to shrug off this moment, grab my backpack and make a hasty exit through the crowd, my boy gives me the puppy eyes, his secret weapon of choice, and one he uses strategically to get out of homework, to prolong bath time and to usually get his mom and I to clean up his mess of toys at the end of the day. So he gives me the eyes, adds in the pouty lips (my son doesn’t play fair) and repeats “please daddy, dance with me.” So time of truth, do i dad up or wuss out? Well no papa poser here, I drop my backpack and start shaking what my mama gave me. And yes, everyone stared, and some laughed, some were annoyed and some, well…some didn’t know what to make of it, as some just shrugged it off to life in new york. But you know what, we were good.
As I danced with my son , I could feel it, that goodness inside, that warmth the spirit of spontaneity gives you as your playful strength takes hold and says let it ride, and I did. My son looked at me, and he smiled, and at that moment I truly danced as if no one was watching, because right there in that moment, no one who matters was, just my boy, and this one weird lady who kept yelling, “take it off!!”as she waved a dollar bill in the air. Man, city life can be strange. And if you want to see the goods, it takes more than a dollar to flash all my daddy hunkiness. Ok, that sounded weird, but cut me some slack I was caught up in the moment.
The best of us, myself included, struggle with fear and hesitancy. It is a natural habit, but one that can be overcome and changed. Like exercise, where you are constantly practicing a regime of taxing your body in order to grow strong muscles, increased stamina or flexibility, becoming spontaneous is no different. Learning to be more spontaneous takes work and developing a strong spontaneous core simply takes stepping outside of your comfort zone and practicing. Soon you will break out of your safe shell and begin living life with new fearless and enthusiastic muscles. Furthermore, spontaneity, like practicing regular exercise, will not be an instantaneous process, it will take effort and patience. But with enough practice it gets easier over time.
Therefore, in the spirit of spontaneity, let’s dance, get silly and try fun new things. who knows, maybe the next time you are standing in line at your local coffee house and a cool song comes on, you’ll throw caution to the wind and start shaking your money maker!
So if anyone needs some handsome boys to lay down the boogie, we do parties. just call in advance, we book up fast.
All the best,
Ed Munoz