I spend a lot of time with my son. I am truly inspired by him because he is a truly authentic individual. He, like most children, says what is directly on his mind. Children are instinctual, often going with their gut to tackle most obstacles. They are fearless, creative, and often times are sages of great simplistic wisdom. But what I find the most awe inspiring is their spirit. It is an unbridled energy that flourishes and shines. My son is my teacher, as my time with him allows me to let go, relax and act as silly or as goofy as I want to be. Most people don't see my silly side, my goofy side; the real "authentic" me.
I believe if we all just "let go" and learn to live more childlike we will find being authentic will be an easier job. This started me thinking, how many of us are living as our authentic selves? How many of us are just living with a face that is fake or "put on" ? And why aren't we more of our real selves in life and business?
The culprit is is self-doubt, and it is the reason you hide your true self. Self-doubt disconnects us from strong and resilient components of ourselves. It leads to a chronic need for reassurance and acceptance from others. We all have times where we feel we can’t make a decision without external sources, such as friends and family. This represents a gap in our ego, a hole that we are looking for others to fill.
I offer these 3 steps to live more authentically and combat self-doubt:
1) Playing to your strengths
I find that a strengths-based approach is very successful for overcoming self-doubt. Working with your strengths forces you to analyze all the skills, talents and self knowledge you DO possess to accomplish any challenging task, instead of looking at all the things you don’t have, as self-doubt does.
Ask yourself:
- What skills and resources do I have to tackle this particular challenge or goal?
- When have I been successful at a task I thought I couldn’t do but I did anyway?
- When faced with a difficult task in the past, what were the tools I used that helped me get over my doubts?
In answering these questions, you will need to take a deep personal inventory of things you do well; no skill is too small. Are you good at organizing spaces? Do you cook a mean omelette? Or maybe friends often come to you for advice. All things you probably do everyday but often ignore. Once you have answered these questions, organize visual or written reminders of what you are successful at. Place them around your house in places you frequent everyday.
2) Let go of perfection
Letting go of perfectionism starts with self acceptance. If you seek perfection then you are seeking an illusion.
My son lives free of comparison and judgment. He wears what he wants to wear, even if it doesn't match, or he styles his hair in whatever form it takes upon waking in the morning. He just lives as he wants to live, regardless of what anyone thinks. The opinion of others is never on his radar. This is such a great way to live as it frees you from trying to be like others, and just learning to be yourself. By living in "comparison" to others, we feel not enough. And the reality is, you are enough. You are not defined by others. You define your own reality.
3) Open your closed mind
We flourish when we challenge limits; we grow when we overcome challenging obstacles. But it all starts with our thoughts. What we tell ourselves about facing any obstacle defines how we handle that obstacle. Strict good/bad thoughts make us prisoners to judgment and limitation, which causes us to shut down our vulnerable selves. We all carry our prisons with us, but we also carry the key. Challenge yourself with new tasks, embrace endeavors that truly excite you and pull you from your comfort zone. Because when you do, the door to the prison of judgement and limitation is thrust wide open. And you truly are allowed to be authentically free.
By incorporating these steps you will find yourself automatically triggering an inner positive self thought that will help build a more authentic self.
I hope this post has served you today.
Ed