We are all faced with growing demands each day. We are all pulled in so many different directions that there never seems to be enough time for it all. We all expend ourselves at the expense of quality time at home, whether it be time with loved ones, time with friends or just plain "downtime" enjoying that home we spend so much money paying rent or a mortgage on.
In my sessions, the number one complaint I often hear is, “Ed, who has the time?” Sound familiar? As someone who also juggles many tasks at any particular moment, I truly understand the limitations of time and availability. Honestly I do. As of this writing my son is home from school and I am writing amidst the sound of marbles rolling in the background, his favorite toy of choice, the constant call to attention to various creative constructs and the occasional magic trick by Joey Rigatoni, his stage name and at home nom de plume. So when I say, “I get it” trust me dear reader, I do. Throw in the distractions of the pinging email ringing from my phone, and the request for consulting advice, makes for one distracted day.
It seems as though in our fast paced and seemingly socially connected world, the quantity of expected availability is increasing and qualitytime in the small moments that matter is decreasing. The advent of innovation and it’s easy instantaneous ability to respond to work is draining our home values and putting a strain on real relationships, many of which are being replaced by virtual connection through social media. Data is everywhere, and the constant influx of this data in our everyday social world, is forcing us to be "ON" all the time. Hourly email checks, project reporting during dinnertime, social media check ins and status updates to the world have become the seemingly new way to relax.
Now don’t get me wrong, I too enjoy the cool perks of innovation that have developed in the last several years; I know I love my iPad. But I notice that, left unchecked, my attention and time will oftentimes be consumed by these innovations. I have come to learn that I must be diligent with structure and set limits with what takes up that time. I know if I don’t have scheduled time to enjoy quality moments of rest and relaxation with family then I will be of no use to my clients. In my experience working with many overwhelmed professionals, maintaining home/family balance really matters because family stands as a much needed nourishment for a professional’s confidence and well being. But when a leader is not present at home then everything is thrown into disarray, and as a result a leader's effectiveness can slowly erode and undermine his/her performance at work. Leadership at home has taught me valuable life lessons that any leader, whether at home or at work, can use.
Here’s what I found to be helpful.
Work First, Then Play
This a mantra I find myself saying to my son, every time he beckons me to play. It is important to set priorities, make a schedule, and follow a disciplined plan. Children may struggle with this because in child speak, rules and structure are a bummer. But it is important to try and strike a balance and to show leadership in a way that is loving but firm. Remember you are a role model, and if you shirk rules and structure in lieu of play then only disorganization will follow. Your home will be in chaos, your family will lose respect, you will start to lose focus and soon your work will falter.
Take Charge
Be responsible and take initiative in how you spend your time. Facebook, Snapchat and email will always be there but the time with your family will not. Soon your children will grow, and go into the world. And when you do find time to stop, they will be adults. It is important to remember that home and hearth are greater together than apart. Our family, especially our children, have gifts to change the world, but that potential needs time to be nurtured.
Stand firm
Assertiveness is essential to effective leadership in one’s work/life. At home, it is a challenge because we all want to be the “good cop”, but the reality is we can’t. Priorities must be set and structures must be enforced, for the betterment of the household and the sanity of the working professional. This is especially true if you split your time working at an office and at home, as I do. Currently my son is home, and vying for attention. It pains me to have to keep telling him, “Not now son”. But, that is the job of the leader at home. There are times when we as parents have to be clear that there is a time for everything, and some decisions, unpleasant as they are, are not open for debate, whether a child likes it or not. It is essential because soon that child will be out in the world, pulling his weight in Corporate America and will be hit with the reality that work is not always play. Work will entail putting certain fun time off, until his/her priorities are met. And, the more we practice this at home, then the easier it will be to practice assertiveness at work, and manage those teams to be their very best, even if it means that they may not “like” you for a while.
So that’s another post for this week, and as usual, what do you all think?
Are you a leader at home? Do you lead at home as you do at work? What’s holding you back from unleashing the leader within?
Let me know your thoughts, feelings and insights. Please feel free to provide a comment below. And, as always, keep it short, keep it simple, keep it clean and most of all keep it nice.
Until then this is Ed and I will catch you on the next one.