Why the stuff?

Stuff.

Do I need it or do I want it?

This is what I think about every-time I log into Amazon and check the items on my wish list. I have a lot of items I want to buy. They run the gamut from things I generally need, things I could use and stuff that serves no purpose but looks just plain cool (I am looking at you Darth Vader cappuccino maker). But, as fun and interesting as all these items are, it is all just stuff. We all have extraneous items in some form or another. Most of us can attest to having that closet overflowing with clothes we hope to fit into, or various styles we hope will come back into fashion. Or better yet, many of us have that space under the bed that houses boxes of unseen trinkets, photos, and shoes that take up space. Why do we hold onto these items? The reasons vary, but for many of us, these items are kept in an effort to hold onto memories that we don’t want to forget, or new memories that allow us to feel good about ourselves. But unbeknownst to us, this unseen thing happens, the stuff starts growing. It’s as if this uncanny multiplying occurs and before we know it, we are awash in material things that slowly erode our physical space, forcing us to fight for room in our domiciles.

We all like to buy stuff. I know there is nothing that brings me more excitement than seeing that Amazon box arrive at my house; it’s like Christmas but without the egg nogg. Unfortunately, the feeling is short lived. After we have played or displayed our new ‘toys’, the buzz quickly vanishes and these items that once created joy instead now only serve as a burden left to gather dust and take up space.

Honestly, I struggle with clearing out stuff, I both love it and hate it. On one side I love all my books, guy toys and man tech but on the other side I love the feeling of getting a big trash bag and clearing out space in my office, on my desk or in my home. It is very cathartic. I enjoy seeing and working in a clean, sparse environment that encourages uncluttered opportunities for work and being creative.

But as much as I love buying and collecting stuff, it’s usually a sign that there is something deeper going on. Behaviors are sneaky like that. The act of buying items tends to dress itself up as something that’s good and harmless but often times it is just behaviors masking an underlying issue, and to quote Hamlet, “therein lies the rub.” In this case the rub, or the problem/obstacle is “want” versus “need”.

Now if you generally want to buy things, then by all means may the Amazon gods serve you well. However, if you feel as though you “need” items with this feverish desire like Gollum coveting his precious one ring then you need to pause before you hit ‘add to cart’. You see individuals, brilliant as we are, often fall into the pit of the human habit; seeking external forces or items to self-sooth, opposed to utilizing our own internal resourcefulness. From my time working in the addictions field, I have learned that the stuff we think we “need” serves merely as “Coping Mechanisms” to help manage painful emotions associated with unfortunate experiences of the past or overwhelming life challenges of the present.

If left unchecked, this supposed need can lead to a pattern of unhealthy behaviors and unproductive self talk that results in excuses to spend excessively or neglect our very health and well-being. The habit becomes an illusionary familiarity that keeps us thinking that what we’re doing and how we are living is just fine, whether it is or not.

So why the stuff?

What it comes down to is this - clutter is clutter and the more you let go of the things that no longer serve you, the more you’ll make way for the things that do. To let go of stuff, and break from the past, we enable new experiences to enter our life, and breed positive forward living. It is understandable that the stuff we collect may not all be negative or bad, but we shouldn’t feel that these objects serve as the pinnacle of our emotional living.

It won’t always be easy, and you may take two steps forward and one step back, but the goal is movement, not stagnation! We have to keep moving forward looking for an optimistic future, positive experiences and productive living. As you take these first steps, you can slowly release the emotional hold that things have on you.

So today I say join me in letting go of the “Stuff”. Let us together take a chance to be brave and own our strengths. Let’s stand united in letting go of the items that no longer serve us. Because the stuff we buy may take up our space but it will never take our freedom!! Um, sorry, speech got away from me, that’s from Braveheart, (good movie though, you can catch it on Amazon Prime). Well, it doesn’t always have to be about stuff, they have good movies too.

But don’t worry, if you find it hard, the stuff will always be in your cart, and you can always grab hold of them again if you want to, but honestly I‘m betting you probably won’t want to.

So that wraps up another post for this week, and as usual I am interested in what you guys think.

Are you emotionally tied into stuff that you can’t part with? Do you have stuff that doesn’t serve you anymore? What’s holding you back from simplifying your things?

Drop a comment below, and let me know your thoughts, feelings and insights. Keep it short, keep it simple, keep it clean and most of all keep it nice.

Until then this is Ed and I will catch you on the next one.

Are you an authentic leader?

Teaching kids the meaning of true leadership is challenging in our current culture. It seems as if thought leaders pop up daily, appearing in every corner of our social media driven world. Often it feels like a circus where outrageous, poor examples of leaders jockey for the limelight. And as inspirational or colorful as some leaders may be, not every thought leader leads from the inside out, meaning they really don’t stand for anything outside of just making the most money they can, amassing power or increasing their status. Many talk just to be heard, merely relying on being the loudest voice in the room instead of truly being a person of substance who can get things done. Unfortunately, core values, like honor and integrity are often sacrificed for the sake of empty rhetoric being screamed to the masses, stirring up hostility instead of breeding hope.

Ok, I will get off my soap box now. I just had to get that little bit off my chest. Now having said that, there is some good.

As overwhelming as the leadership landscape can be, it is not always a bad thing. Why? Because today we all have a voice. That same voice we hear on videos, on podcasts, in the media can now be ours. Today we all can stand and truly be counted. No longer do we exist to just plainly serve as a voiceless cog in a systemic or corporate machine, but now we can share ideas and passions that truly show our strengths and intelligence. We no longer have to wait until someone hopefully recognizes our potential. Instead we can shine, we can bring awareness to our passions for who we are and what we can do.

BUT….

What leader will you follow? Or better yet, what leader will you be?

I have found it to be the case that the individuals most worth following are those who are truly passionate about what they believe in, and why they do what they do. Leaders of this type are referred to as "authentic", individuals so imbued with purpose that they are driven to pursuing their highest potential. They are focused individuals who understand their own values and constantly work to build on their strengths and the strengths of others. The are intentional about how they live. They make power decisions aligned with what’s most important to them. This authenticity gives them a confidence and resolve that creates trust and inspires others.

If you strive to be an authentic leader at work or at home then that means people should be confident that what they hear and see on the outside matches with what’s on the inside. You must be clear about what your values are and what your underlying purpose is. You must demonstrate in your various leadership roles that you are intentional. You are focused on making decisions in the course of your work/life that support the life you want to live and the legacy you are leaving behind; that’s what authentic leadership is truly about.

I have worked with a number of successful people over the last several years, paying particular attention to identifying common behavioral elements and character traits. And, of all the leaders I have worked with, I have found the following three to be the most common.

1. Self-Awareness
Authentic leaders are constantly aware of who they are. They are consistently engaged in self-reflection to clearly understand their own values, strengths and purpose. They focus on who they are and what they want to accomplish, rather than just being the loudest voice in the room.

They do not merely TELL you how good they are, but instead SHOW you how good they are.

Early in my career, I had a job in the nonprofit sector. My boss at the time was a seasoned fundraiser and marketer; he taught us everything we needed to know about donor relations and cultivating leads. Now, he could have just taught us and then retreated to his office but when it came to put into action what we had learned, he was always available for support. Like a well seasoned coach, he was always on the sidelines, supporting us as we met with donors and tackled leads. At times many found themselves getting stuck or hitting a wall, but his supportive nature and grounded sense of motivational support kicked in and he coached us on calls and donor outreach. It turned out donor relations and fundraising were his life, and he took great pride in, not only the work he did, but sharing what he had learned with others, and seeing his team succeed.

This kind of self-awareness is contagious because it instills commitment and confidence that communicates the kind of dedication that builds trust and courage in others.

2. Self-Alignment
Authentic leaders are intentional every day and possess clear purpose of what they want to accomplish. They know what they want to contribute to society and are focused on the impact they want to leave on the world. They are engaged in work that matters, not only to them but to the world around them.

When it comes down to it, everyday and every way, authentic leaders are focused on making a difference. They’re intentional about creating real impact on others, and developing empowering change in everything around them.

3. Self-Management
Authentic leaders are efficient self-managers. They practices routines and habits that support their purpose and goals, and refrain from those that do not. Their purpose is focused on setting daily goals and making the most of their time. They are also very methodical in developing motivation and concentration skills to help overcome stress and avoid the lure of procrastination.

They are dedicated self learners, and recognize the importance and value of self-managed learning. As such, they are constantly learning productive coping tools to handle problems and manage stressful situations effectively. They develop a working understanding that a completely stress-free work environment is rare and workplace stress, left unchecked, reduces productivity, increases pressures and affects performance and concentration.

So there you have it, the three traits of an authentic leader.

Until the next one,

Ed Munoz

WHAT TO DO ON A RAINY WEEKEND.

As I sit and write this post, it is Friday and raining here in the ole big apple. Leaving us Gothamites with a lot of puddle filled streets and sloshy shoes. We are also confronted with the usual question, what do to do this rainy weekend?

Well to that I say, NOTHING! Yep, you heard me, I said “Nothing”.

Parents usually have more of a challenge with this, because the never ending to-do list always looms over our heads like a dark cloud. Well I understand that, and being the father of an energetic seven year old, I know turning off and doing nothing is alittle easier said than done.

I write a lot about keeping it moving, essentially how to be more productive and the importance of making the most of your time in life and at work. There is nothing wrong with being productive, and as someone who lives in New York, running and getting things done, is a way of life. But rarely is the concept of doing “nothing” ever talked about, or for that matter encouraged. It is almost a hidden secret that people harbor in fear of being viewed as lazy or unproductive.

When I was younger, it was all about how much I could fit into my weekend. I tended to cram as much activity as I could, so as to have more to talk about on Monday with my co-workers. Flash forward to the present, and as a husband and father that is no longer the case. Today I have grown to appreciate quality down time, and really appreciate sitting and hearing my family tinker around in the apartment. Now, don’t get me wrong, I don’t always do this as perfectly as I would like, but as I’ve learned there is no such thing as perfection especially when you are contemplating doing “Nothing”. What I strive for some weekends is to really just STOP, relax and just be. To not always feel the need to produce. If we don’t, we simply will burn out, plain and simple. And if burnout happens, then we will not be left with energy to tackle that to do list when it is time, and truly be there for those we care about.

The key is, our downtime needs to be quality not quantity – and by that, I mean allowing yourself permission to be unproductive and not aim to get things done. I mean, if you happen to get something done when you’re resting, then fine do it. But the downtime I’m advising shouldn’t be started with the goal of productivity, instead it should stop the mental wheels from turning and start harnessing internal quiet time to refuel.

It takes effort to do “Nothing” and enjoy. But there is no better time than when it rains. Here are a few ways to make it more purposeful.

1) Read an actual book, not an ebook but instead a good old fashioned paper filled book.

2) Queue up a movie on Netflix, with the family or spouse and don’t do anything else, like checking Facebook, or shopping on Amazon.

3) Indulge in a creative craft

4) Snuggle on the couch with your spouse or little ones, and read joke books to each other. Let me tell you, there is nothing more soothing than having a good laugh over something silly.

5) Play a game, and not a video game, but an old school board game, remember those?

6) Take time to learn about something new. Queue up Youtube and research a topic, activity or skill you or the family can learn. Maybe it’s about a certain period in time, or a really cool DIY project.

7) Go on a leisurely walk, either alone or with your family. This is going to be hard because you might battle the urge to go somewhere in particular but don’t. Instead just roam your neighborhood, and explore the nooks and crannies of your environment.

When you indulge in down time, your productive “To do” time will be so much better. You’ll be motivated to really tackle that to do list, feel recharged, and you’ll remember why you appreciate your life. Essentially we all just need to take a break from work so that we can be better in all the relationships that make up our work/life.

Now it’s your turn. I want to hear what’s your favorite way to have down time? What challenges do you face in finding down time in your work/life? Or, if you are really good at down time, and doing nothing, how do you do it?

And if you really liked the post, then don’t forget to hit a thumbs up if you liked it or subscribe if you loved it.

Warmly,

Ed

The Unconventional Guide to Mindfulness

Everywhere you look, another spiritually minded person is teaching about the impact their daily mindfulness practice is having on their personal work/life. But have you ever tried it? I am betting you have and did not succeed, right? Well don’t fret, because you are not alone. I find that a majority of the clients I work with have tried to be mindful but did not succeed out of fear they’re ‘not doing it right’ and are ‘too restless’ to dedicate time to developing a daily mindful practice.

I too have struggled with being a more mindful person. For many years I tried to learn to be mindful, and honestly failed more times than I like to mention. I was so committed to the goal of a dedicated mindfulness practice that I read almost every book there was, and attended workshops and classes. I even tried copious amounts of meditation music, water sound machines and way too expensive aroma candles. But you know what? In working to buy and collect all these fancy items to be mindful and meditative, I wasn’t actually being mindful or serene. The one thing I was trying to develop was not there. I didn’t have an actual practice but instead just a collection of stuff.

These days everyone makes such a big deal of mindfulness and meditation. There seems to be an over complication of something that I have learned is essentially a very simple concept. Want to know what that is? What I have learned to be mindful, and develop a mindful practice all you have to do is….

Pay attention to the good stuff around you. The stuff that you take for granted everyday.

A moment of silence as you let that sink in….

Don’t worry, I’ll wait. Done? Are you ready??

If you have a quizzical look to your face, don’t panic it won’t last long, unless someone slaps you on your back and then your face will be stuck like that forever, just kidding. Remember that from childhood?? No, ok then, back to the post….

Paying attention to the good stuff around you is one of those concepts that at first sounds too easy, until you try it, then you see it's actually hard to do. Why? Because we have not trained ourselves to focus on the good around us, just the negative. On a daily basis our lives are filled with numerous opportunities to bring attention to good things around us, but we don’t. All it takes is making a conscious effort to pay attention. And, the key word there is CONSCIOUS. Life is all around us, good things, motivational things, beautiful things. We just have to STOP, and I mean STOP, like freeze and look around and pay attention. Yes you may look like a tourist but try it. That’s all we should do, just STOP and look up, because if we don’t then those beautiful things that are around us may not be.

I learned this lesson the hard way. I encountered an event that forever changed the way I look at things, and made me STOP and appreciate the beauty around me a little more. Once upon a time ago, I used to pass these two beautiful structures on my way to work. Two majestic spires that decorated the Manhattan skyline, and illuminated the landscape. Each day I would bustle about my morning, rushing to get to work to start my day. I was always preoccupied with what I was going to do in my work day, stressing and worrying about the the unfinished tasks that awaited me from the day before.

Then one day the unthinkable happened. The two majestic and powerful towers fell. The world bore witness to the collapse of landmarks that stood in our city for decades, and mourned the loss of many shining lives. For a long time after that we all looked to the horizon, seeing only smoke and rubble. The towers were gone, and a piece of beauty that stood proudly was no longer there. After that day I vowed never to take for granted the good around me, the people in my life, and if they ever rebuilt those structures that I would make a conscious effort to STOP and remember. To look up and appreciate what I have, what we all have.

Many years later they did in fact rebuild and in their place we now have a new gleaming tower, that stands ever vigilant in the horizon. A new reminder of both the strength and vulnerability of the human spirit. Today, I STOP and always make a point to look up, not only to that new tower, but the people around me, the sights around me, the parks, the walkways, the sounds and all the beautiful diversity that surrounds me daily.


Want to do the same? Consider these seven strategies as a cheat sheet to begin developing a daily practice. Once you have started, you will find that being mindful, is a lot easier than you think. And by making a conscious effort to recognize the good things you will feel more optimistic and empowered in your life.

1. Mindful Morning Waking
I have written about this before, INSERT LINK TO BLOG POST, but setting an intention in the very first moments of awakening is a gentle and motivational way to set the tone for the rest of the day. First, pay attention to your mind and your body. Do you feel alert or tired? Are your muscles tight? Slowly stretch your limbs and your back, noticing the sensation of each movement. Try to notice what thought crosses your mind the second you open your eyes - or even just before. Try not to think as if you have to get out of that bed but instead STOP and say, “ I want to get up so that….” declare what you want so that you set the focus to move forward and move toward what you want.

2. Mindful Eating
No matter what your day brings, there are going to be meals—or at least snacks! Reminding yourself to come back into the moment each time you eat is a great way to insert mindfulness into your day—and it will help you to be more conscious of what food you’re putting in your body too.

So during your meal, instead of just rushing and gulping your food, STOP and Pay attention to: Taste, texture, smell—there’s so much to notice in every mouthful of food. If you’re really concentrating, even a tiny raisin can make you happy! Take small bites and chew slowly, savoring as you go—and wait until you’ve swallowed to pick up your fork for the next bite.

3. Mindful Cleaning
Yes you heard me correctly, MINDFUL CLEANING!! Whether it’s doing the dishes, sweeping the floor or folding the laundry, chores present an ideal opportunity to bring mindfulness into day-to-day life.

Pay attention to: Whatever your hands are doing. If you’re washing dishes, notice the temperature of the water, the texture of the plates, the motion of scrubbing. If you’re folding laundry, feel the different fabrics. While sweeping, notice the movement of your arms, the stretch and extension, and perhaps even an aching as time goes by. Trust me on this, you will never look at cleaning your toilet the same way again.

4. Mindful Walking
Just like eating, every day is comprised of some walking—whether it’s a long walk to work or school, or a short one to the kitchen. Every step brings with it a chance to be mindful.

This step is especially helpful, as it brings awareness to your body and related feelings. As you take you next sojourn, pay attention to: Your feet and legs. Notice how each foot feels as it touches the ground, rolls, and then pushes off again. Feel the bend of each leg as it moves forward, the stretch of the calf and thigh muscles. As your attention gets sharper, you can also notice the rotation of your hip joints, the swing of your arms, the straightness of your spine and the wind on your face.

5. Mindful Showering
As is the case with sleeping and eating, so we too must cleanse ourselves. So, while it is said that our best ideas come to us in the shower, washing can also be a time to step away from the non-stop flow of thoughts that fill most of our day. And it is also a great opportunity to practice singing, we all sound awesome in the shower, the acoustics just can’t be beat.

Instead of just splashing and quickly spritzing water everywhere, pay attention to: The feel of the water. Notice the temperature of the water, focus on how each drop feels as it makes contact with your skin, the sound it makes as it hits the shower curtain, screen or tiles. I find when I do this, especially in the morning, it really impacts my day. I wake up and feel more energetic and happy.

6. Mindful Waiting
Now this one may be a challenge, because let’s face it who likes to wait right? But bringing mindfulness into your waiting time can turn that sigh when you first spot the long line at the DMV into a genuine smile, (yes you can smile at the DMV). It’s also an opportunity to notice your mind and monitor your emotions in your body as well, as emotional reactions tend to rise intensely and quickly when we’re forced to wait.

So when you are waiting just STOP. (Do you sense the pattern yet?) Look up and pay attention to: The whole experience. Notice how you feel when you realize you’ll have to wait - does your heart beat faster? Do you feel annoyed? Angry?

While you wait, does your breathing change? Once you’re sitting or standing in the line or at the bus stop, pull your attention away from the mental and emotional part of your experience, and be mindful of your body. Feel your feet on the ground, your inhalations and exhalations. Notice each and every tiny movement.

7. Mindful Listening
You know that cathartic feeling of a deep, personal conversation with a friend, you know the kind that doesn’t end in a post or like. The deep sharing of personal topics, exchanged face to face, when you really felt like you got something significant off your chest. Chances are, your friend was practicing mindful listening. Truly being with the people around us is one of the best ways to connect and deepen our relationships, both at home and at work. This practice is so needed, especially as many forms of social media vie for our attention.

When you find yourself with a friend, pay attention to: Everything about the person who’s speaking to you—not just their words but their presence. Take stock of their body language, giving them your full, attention. Resist the urge to start thinking about what to say next—just listen.

As the title states, many of these steps may be a little unconventional, and somewhat simplistic but take it from me, try them, they are a lot harder to do then you may think.

Well, I hope you have all found this post helpful, but, I want to hear from you too.

Do you agree with the steps I have listed? Have you struggled with developing a meditative/mindful practice? Maybe you already have a practice. If you do, then I would love to hear about it.

As always, leave a comment in the form below. I would love to hear your thoughts and insights.

Warmly,

Ed

Just Dance

This post is going to sound very simplistic but sometimes the best messages are often simple.

Writing and blogging does not come easy to me. I sweat and toil over every post I write. The white blank screen too often glares back at me, beckoning me to fill it with words of prolific wisdom and literary genius. Well today was not one of those days. During one of my writing sessions, my son was home. He sometimes plays in the background, or near my office, and by office I mean corner nook of my living room, ahhh New York living. As I write he plays nearby battling the usual assortment of villains and hidden ninjas. At one point I let out this huge UGH!, and dropped my head to the desk. My son seeing the look of defeat walked up to me and asked me what was wrong? I told him I am trying to write about how people can be happy, but I am having trouble.

In his childlike wisdom, he says "Well, I’m always happy."
Dad : "Oh really?" I responded.
Son: "Yes, being happy is easy."
Dad: "Well if you were writing this what would you tell people how they can be happy?"
Son: "Daddy, I would tell them to just dance."

Dance?! Just dance!! Did he not not know I was looking for a great nugget of wisdom, did he not know I was looking for Dalai Lama like advice I can blow away the blogosphere with?

All I get is dance!!

That was his answer, to just dance, which he proceeded to do. Now when my son dances it is quite a spectacle, he has this groove that looks like a cross between Brazilian martial arts and the robot, you have to see it. Well no matter how outlandish the moves are he just laughs, then plops himself down and says, " you see the grumpies are gone". After he dances he just doesn't feel mad or sad anymore. And after watching him I don't either. So what's the lesson here you might be asking?

Well there are three of them

1) Be more childlike
If you have access to a kid ask them to dance, it's funny. If not then be childlike, have fun, play and when nobody is looking dance, a lot. Movement increases endorphins and elevates the mood.

Dancing, which is a form of aerobic exercise, also improves flexibility and coordination. Shaking it on occasion will keep your heart pumping, and tone muscles.

If you can dance in front of a mirror, because as silly as you feel you are it doesn't equate to how you might actually look, which might be a little bit silly. This is good because it will elicit laughter, and who doesn't like to laugh right? Which brings me to point two.

2) Be silly
If you look funny dancing in front of the mirror then good, because hopefully this will cause a rush of laughter that will have you red in the face. Laughing is great it is also very effective on managing stress and warding off anxiety.

3) Rest and Relax
Once you have done said dancing, or any other movement, sit chill and enjoy the feeling. Give your body some rest to recharge and take the rush of positivity your movement just initiated.

So that's it, short, sweet and to the point. I hope this message has served you. And don't forget to dance.

Ed Munoz

Why waking up will save your life.

We all start the day the same, the alarm rings, we hit the snooze for those precious last moments of extra sleep or cuddling with your loved one. After about the third or fourth hit of the snooze button, as we start to focus past the haze of blurry sleep, the thought hits, "I don't want to get up." We know this thought well, it's probably the mantra uttered by most in the world. And then it happens, we are overrun with a barrage of worry, as we reflect on all the challenges of our day, all the tasks that demand our attention, the tasks that often seem unsolvable or overwhelming, or just downright scary.

So what do most of us do? As we lay frozen we pull the sheets over our heads looking for escape. But the reality is, there is no escape, there are only two options, stay in bed or go out into the world. So, up we rise finding some unseen inertia to get us out from under the sheets and out into the world. But as tired as we are and as scary as those tasks seem, we get up anyway and start the day. But we are overlooking the most important part of the day, and the most monumental decision that we will ever make. We choose to get up. Today, and everyday we choose to live.

But this choice is very rarely acknowledged, and often overlooked. Everyday we take this choice for granted. We just dismiss it as something we have to do. But hard as it is to get up every day to face the world we still find a way.

We never really ask ourselves why am I getting up. I know what you might be thinking, "I have to get up, I have to start my day, I have to go to work." Well that's not necessarily the truth. The reality is we really don't have to do anything, and I mean anything. We don't have to get up in the morning, we don't have to go to work, we don't have to stay in a relationship and it goes on and on, except taxes, we have to pay those. But it is the choices that are not acknowledged that go unseen and exist as the hidden motivators of our lives.

Everyday we make a choice to live, to survive, somehow and someway. It's amazing with all the challenges people face in the world, everyone still makes that choice. But we don't honor that choice, it gets dismissed as a "have to" rather than a "want to".

I have found it to be the case that when I became aware of this choice, and really owned the responsibility of it, I was able to face the other challenges in my life with more courage and conviction. I also became aware of my own inner resourcefulness. In taking for granted my ability to find ways to survive, I was selling myself short. Instead of being a person who has chosen to live a life of happiness weathering small bouts of sadness, I instead was a person choosing to live a sad life entertaining small bouts of happiness.

Not too good right? Why was I choosing to live like this when everything else was saying the contrary? Essentially I never stopped to question this type of living, and instead I just slept through life. But today I live differently because I have chosen a different path - I WOKE UP!!

How can you also live more awakened? I offer the following 5 ways to start living in ownership:

1. Filter out your mind

I believe it to be the case that the most challenging moment of the day is the morning. Your mind kicks into overdrive when that alarm sounds. Why? Well because we have just spent eight hours (hopefully) in a fantasy state. As soon as you become aware of reality is when your mind starts to rattle off all the challenges of the day.

So instead of getting swept up in your mental checklists, after you have made the choice to get up, filter your thoughts through the lens of "I want to" . Don’t try to force your thoughts, just think and say to yourself, " I am getting up today because I WANT TO….." Now remember there are no perfect answers, perfection is an illusion. Instead just go with what feels right. One example may be, " I want to go to work because I enjoy talking to my coworkers." You might not be head over heels for your job but you do like recapping the weekend with co workers. Or stopping by your favorite patisserie, you know the one, the one with the great latte and chocolate croissant.

Essentially there are small unrecognized motivators that prompt us to get out of bed and into our life. Take time to just recognize them and own them as what you want.

2. Stop lying to yourself

Too often we let our thoughts dictate our day, we automatically believe the voice inside our mind, but that voice is a liar. Why? Because more often than not, the human mind is conditioned to focus on negative aspects. It is a tape that plays on and on, totally kicking into automatic without our knowing it. So when you wake up and own the choice to live, entertain that voice, the one that helped you put those feet on the floor. If you are sitting up then you found a way. Five minutes ago you were probably thinking you were never able to get up but you did. And that is the truth.

3. Breathe, like a baby

For a moment I’d like you to stop reading and simply pay attention to your breath.

I’ll wait…

Remember that alarm that goes off in the morning, well it usually sparks a sense of dread and panic, followed by a learned behavior of shallow breathing. In my work with clients in facing issues surrounding anxiety and panic, the single incorrect habit everyone shared is shallow breathing. That breathing that takes place in your chest rather than your belly. Babies are the best at breathing because they breath from their stomachs rather than chest. We all start off this way but then forget as we grow.

So when that alarms sounds in the morning, lay on your back, place your hand on your belly, and take in a nice big breath through your nose. Fill your belly with as much oxygen as you can and then release through your mouth using your hand as a guide to gently push the air out. Do this for a count of five.

This practice will hopefully get you in the habit of breathing correctly and calming you in high stress situations. When you focus your attention on your breath, you come back into reality, Practice baby breathing to bring your mind back to the present.

4. The future is not here so why are you thinking about it??

This topic is pretty self-evident. It's all about being present in the moment, and being aware of what's around, specifically your environment and the choices you make in that environment.

On average, people tend to always think about the future and the problems of what's coming. I find this to be wasted energy, because if a situation is not here yet why waste all your energy thinking about it. Your energy is better served in the "Now" moment and owning the resourcefulness and resiliency that you're building in facing the challenges of your everyday life.

Do you have tips or insights into how to improve mindfulness and awareness of the present, if you I would love to hear them. \

Please leave your thoughts below.

Thanks for reading!

Ed

When you doubt yourself you hide yourself

I spend a lot of time with my son. I am truly inspired by him because he is a truly authentic individual. He, like most children, says what is directly on his mind. Children are instinctual, often going with their gut to tackle most obstacles. They are fearless, creative, and often times are sages of great simplistic wisdom. But what I find the most awe inspiring is their spirit. It is an unbridled energy that flourishes and shines. My son is my teacher, as my time with him allows me to let go, relax and act as silly or as goofy as I want to be. Most people don't see my silly side, my goofy side; the real "authentic" me.

I believe if we all just "let go" and learn to live more childlike we will find being authentic will be an easier job. This started me thinking, how many of us are living as our authentic selves? How many of us are just living with a face that is fake or "put on" ? And why aren't we more of our real selves in life and business?

The culprit is is self-doubt, and it is the reason you hide your true self. Self-doubt disconnects us from strong and resilient components of ourselves. It leads to a chronic need for reassurance and acceptance from others. We all have times where we feel we can’t make a decision without external sources, such as friends and family. This represents a gap in our ego, a hole that we are looking for others to fill.

I offer these 3 steps to live more authentically and combat self-doubt:

1) Playing to your strengths

I find that a strengths-based approach is very successful for overcoming self-doubt. Working with your strengths forces you to analyze all the skills, talents and self knowledge you DO possess to accomplish any challenging task, instead of looking at all the things you don’t have, as self-doubt does.

Ask yourself:

- What skills and resources do I have to tackle this particular challenge or goal?
- When have I been successful at a task I thought I couldn’t do but I did anyway?
- When faced with a difficult task in the past, what were the tools I used that helped me get over my doubts?

In answering these questions, you will need to take a deep personal inventory of things you do well; no skill is too small. Are you good at organizing spaces? Do you cook a mean omelette? Or maybe friends often come to you for advice. All things you probably do everyday but often ignore. Once you have answered these questions, organize visual or written reminders of what you are successful at. Place them around your house in places you frequent everyday.

2) Let go of perfection

Letting go of perfectionism starts with self acceptance. If you seek perfection then you are seeking an illusion.

My son lives free of comparison and judgment. He wears what he wants to wear, even if it doesn't match, or he styles his hair in whatever form it takes upon waking in the morning. He just lives as he wants to live, regardless of what anyone thinks. The opinion of others is never on his radar. This is such a great way to live as it frees you from trying to be like others, and just learning to be yourself. By living in "comparison" to others, we feel not enough. And the reality is, you are enough. You are not defined by others. You define your own reality.

3) Open your closed mind

We flourish when we challenge limits; we grow when we overcome challenging obstacles. But it all starts with our thoughts. What we tell ourselves about facing any obstacle defines how we handle that obstacle. Strict good/bad thoughts make us prisoners to judgment and limitation, which causes us to shut down our vulnerable selves. We all carry our prisons with us, but we also carry the key. Challenge yourself with new tasks, embrace endeavors that truly excite you and pull you from your comfort zone. Because when you do, the door to the prison of judgement and limitation is thrust wide open. And you truly are allowed to be authentically free.

By incorporating these steps you will find yourself automatically triggering an inner positive self thought that will help build a more authentic self.

I hope this post has served you today.

Ed

why ants are running your life.

Are you truly in control of your life? Do you live in a state of "I have to"? We all do, don't we? A majority of our decisions are started by these three words. But did you know that we give up a certain amount of personal power every time we say "I have to"?

We often approach certain life changes by what we "have" to do. If it pertains to a job that no longer gives us joy, we say "I have to find a new job". If we are uncomfortable about our bodies, we say " I have to lose weight." Or it can even pertain to learning something new like a language or a skill. Most often we start it by saying "I have to learn Italian" or “I have to learn SnapChat”.

But who says we have to? Where is it written that we have to do anything? In a sense this is self sabotage. By stating " I have to" we often give control to this imaginary boss that forces us to do things. And what happens when we are usually forced to do something? We just end up not wanting to do it, and ultimately not doing anything at all.

If you’re anything like me, your first thought after making this statement is you proceed to let loose the ANTs. No, not the small annoying bugs that can often ruin a good picnic, but the "Automatic Negative Thoughts", that are often crawling around unchecked in your head. These ANTs are annoying and automatic, which make them very hard to fight against, and they usually sound like this, “I’m not good enough. I can’t do it. I’ll never be able to do it. I'm going to fail. Everyone is better than me.” Do any of these sound familiar? I bet they do.

These ANTs run rampant in all of us from time to time. They can be very overwhelming, because these ANTs slowly get louder and louder, and their voice drowns out any realistic thinking you may have, until you start believing and accepting what they are saying is the reality of the situation. That acceptance now holds you captive, and you relinquish all control.

Feeling mad yet? You should. Because this is NOT how it has to be. We have been programmed to always look at the negative, the deficits. But we can regain control, we can overcome these ANTs by simply stomping them out.

I offer the following ANT stomping techniques to live bug free.

Make positive thinking a daily practice
Now this one may be a little hard, so expect some resistance. Start everyday with developing positive patterns of thinking. One that has always served me well, and that I teach to clients, is focusing on one good thing daily. Now, your one good thing can literally be anything, but the caveat is that it is a "thing" that is positive, or gives you joy, no matter how small. Did you get a good night's sleep? Well your "one thing" could be being grateful for your bed. Does the sun feel good when you step outside? Then your "one thing" could be really enjoying the warmth, and brightness of the sun. This is how positive thinking works. By focusing on one good thing everyday, you build new stronger neural pathways of positive thought, which help replace old tapes (internalized negative cognitions). The practice will slowly develop into a ritual of positive cognitive conditioning. In essence it will help you always think happy thoughts.

Prepare for Battle
Everyday prepare for war. Ok that may be a little dramatic, but you must prepare for resistance. Now it's totally normal to feel some resistance. Remember what we are trying to do is implement a new system of thinking, a process that undoes years of internalized negative programming. So in the beginning it is going to be challenging, and you will feel fear accompanied by resistance. Don't panic, just breathe. Calm now? Good.

Now the good news is that when you feel resistance it is a sign that it's working. Your brain is building the right paths that will assist you in developing a more controlled self.

Change your Mindset
Set your mind to “what”, not “how”. Trust that you will figure it out, whatever obstacle it may be. It is important to remember that you have a hidden resiliency that has brought you this far in your life. You want that part to come to the surface. I want you to focus on the resources you’ll be utilizing in achieving what your want to do, what tools you’ll need to be living out the goals of the day, not how you’re going to make it happen. The logistics at this point are irrelevant, and if you dwell on them too much then the control slips right away, your brainstorming will come to a close, and the ANTS win. Remember those guys?

What do you Value?
Ask yourself, "What’s important to me?" Take your time with this because that answer is the barometer you can use for each decision you face. If your values include personal worth, health, and possibly serenity, then like a compass, your barometer with likely point you in the direction of those goals. If it's health then it may be replacing your morning coffee with a green smoothie, and serenity could be you topping off the day with a daily routine of yoga or meditation, instead of binge watching your favorite TV show.

By making this a daily practice you will slowly find yourself automatically triggering an inner resourcefulness to everyday challenging situations, a resourcefulness fueled by positive self thought and self efficacy.

I hope this post has served you today.

Ed

Why Starting goals will change you.

Everyone assumes goal starting is just making a list of tasks they would like to get done, but it is more than that. Goal starting is not just checking off items, but instead is the beginning steps to a whole new you. Starting goals is always difficult in the beginning. Why? Because it is binding. It is taking responsibility for every action you take moving forward, instead of just living life on autopilot. Goal starting is somewhat akin to marriage, where you will enter into a contractual agreement; whether it be a new career, a new business or a health regime, you are agreeing to take on your objective for better or worse. It is a commitment to change.

But are you ready to commit?

In the beginning we are. We get excited about the opportunities that lay before us. There is so much momentum before you begin but when it's time to execute there is this small paralysis that takes hold of you, a form of performance anxiety that beckons you to hide instead of tackling your challenge head on. Unfortunately, enthusiasm and daydreaming can take you so far. But it's putting yourself out there that is the big challenge. Standing bare before the world, screaming, "Here I am!! Come see me!!" But who will the world see? Who will you become?

Let those questions sink in for a moment...

Starting something means changing and this change means letting go of an old self, and owning a new you. This old you has provided nothing but complacency and stagnation, it has kept you from accomplishing important life goals, goals that could have led you to a new happier life.

Committing to starting will change you. You will become a new person, a person with a plan, dedication and purpose. And a person who will face a lot of fear, because change and fear walk hand in hand. Because fear will tell you not to change, that it is not worth it and what if I can't live up to this "New Me".

So how do we do it? I offer the following steps to help.

Say good-bye
Stand in front of a mirror and look yourself in the eye and say, "Today I will commit to starting, and this will be the beginning of a new me, so today I say, "GOOD BYE" old self." This process is akin to setting your life to an intention.

It is bidding farewell to the inactive part that is frozen in fear and accepting the new you who will welcome change, and become the new proactive self worthy of achieving. Now this exercise is best done standing in front of a full length mirror, although any mirror will do. It will be uncomfortable at first, and that is natural, so don't fight it. So take a couple of relaxing breaths and trust the process.

State your choice
Stop weighing the pro and cons of starting, this will leave you stuck for a very long time. Do or don't do, but be ready to own that choice, even if its choosing not to start. Now remember the hidden gem in this step is you have been making a choice to live everyday. By getting up, no matter what hardships awaits you in the outside world, you decide everyday to face it. And in essence you make a choice, just accept that you are making it.

Define a purpose
Identify what you want to contribute to the world. Live a passion that you find is bigger than yourself. Write it down on a large piece of paper, and hang it up where you will see it everyday. Place this new dedication in front of you, so that you see it everyday, and make sure you are living it. Seeing this message will bring a big motivation to your life.

Set specific goals
Goals are the great unseen motivator of our world. Goals give us shape, they define who we will be. Goals that are directly in tune with your outlined purpose will help build sustained motivation and productive momentum. But for goals to be truly effective, they must be specific. Setting specific goals gives you structure, a map to guide you to what you set out to build.

Stay focused
We live in a world of constant distraction and activities that vie for our attention. Every moment of every day there are new virtual toys that are begging for our attention. In the age of new connectivity, there is demanded time to share, like and post your way to simulated connection. Instead of virtually living your life, learn to live present in your life. Turn off, unplug and disconnect.

Look for teachers
Connect with people who add value to your life. Work on strengthening and nurturing bonds of human connection. Build a community of trusted friends/mentors who will provide real world observations and education to help make you a more rounded individual. Also, stay curious about people, study people around you, learn from anyone who can help you along your path of intention.

These are just a few suggestions to assist you. I hope they serve you well.

Ed

Blog

For years, I have had a hidden desire to write about issues surrounding personal development and growth; basically strategies on how to own your strengths and be your best self in all that you do. It is a passion that I have always had which is why I pursued a career in counseling, therapy and coaching.

I also noticed that, as my own journey into the world of personal development has evolved, I’ve found myself getting increasingly interested in all aspects of the personal development space - from leadership, behavioral management and emotional intelligence to productivity and performance psychology. All have informed my professional practice.

Over the past several years, the relationships that I have built with my clients have been incredibly rewarding, and empowering. Each day the meetings I have with my clients truly inspire and motivate my practice, as they are focused, purposeful individuals possessing great emotional strength and dedication.

In the course of my practice clients have often asked where they could read and learn more about the tools I teach. Never fancying myself a writer, I simply settled on bringing as much value as I could to the face to face interactions I was having in our weekly sessions. Unfortunately, I slowly learned that there is but so much I could accomplish or teach in an average session, and that the daily challenges of my clients' lives demanded resources they could access outside of my office as they encountered challenges happening in their daily work/life.

It also came to my attention that working with clients one on one was simply not enough. In our new socially driven world, where information is digested daily, more informed and credible thought leadership is demanded to share with the world. Personally, I wanted to be a part of that world, to not just share what I know, but honor my clients and peers who have taught me so much about owning your strengths and living your best everyday. My plan is make this blog a place where I can share insights, observations and tools that address common issues related to the human struggle of emotional living and the daily leadership challenges arising in the ever changing world of work/life.

As someone who has served in the mental health and coaching community for years, this blog will exist as a natural extension of what I already do; HELP PEOPLE.

Consider this site my personal classroom where I can interact with peers, clients, and friends in a real human way, that transcends boundaries of status or ego. With your help, I hope to create conversations about topics and life tools that are profound, value based and sometimes offbeat, but always honest and never cut and dry.

Here are the kinds of things you can expect to find:

• Candid and practical advice for leaders across industries and levels of the organization
• Reactions to current events through the leadership lens
• Observations from the field about emerging trends and research
• Debate-worthy questions and assertions
• Reviews of topical real world subject matter

That should be enough to get us started. Please check in and chime in regularly!